To work or not to work, that is the question.

A neighbor stopped by the other day with her daughter and I had my zillions of needles (unused) on the island in the kitchen. Honestly it looked like I am part of a clean needle program for IV drug users. Of course there was no time to quickly whisk them away so we both pretended they weren't there.



I told myself that this time I would be less private about IVF this time. But now I feel like I can't tell people because there is still (only in my mind, I'm sure) a stigma associated with it and I am also afraid of what people will say since I have a four month old. Like, I can't be grateful for what I have. I am very grateful for my daughter. I would just like her to have siblings. So for now, I am back to secrecy with the people I know.

E, my daughter slept until 10 am this morning. I'm not complaining, but she usually wakes up at 7:30, so I found myself checking to see if she was breathing. Just when you think you can predict a tiny part of their behavior kids go and do something to completely throw you off your game. If I had planned on being asleep at that time, I know for a fact that she would have gotten up at 5!

But all of this leads me to whether I should continue working. Going through IVF requires a bunch of clinic visits for blood work as well as the procedure itself. And if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again I don't know if I can handle the tiredness. I am not usually a wimp. I'm not sure it is the progesterone shots (which say a side affect is lethargy) or actually being pregnant, but it is a tiredness like I have never experienced in my life. Ever watch Trainspotting? When they shoot up and then they just lay there. It's like that. I just can't move. That's another reason why I am doing this again while E is so young, because she takes some pretty healthy naps during the day so at least have a fighting chance of keeping up with her at this point.

I need to make a decision about this before Monday because I have already scheduled a meeting with my boss. Guess I'll think about it tomorrow. (Scarlett O'Hara)